"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere…"

So I spent last week in Ithaca, visiting. As it turns out, I miss it a lot more than I thought I did. The week was perfect, I felt so at home, everything was fun. At times I regret transferring.

But then I really think about it–those nights that I would go to the woods and just sit and cry for an hour, those times that I would get lunch and go back to my dorm and just sob on the floor, silently, so no one could hear me through the door. I remember going to the lounge with the hopes that someone would see me and realize that I was miserable and help me, I remember that no one ever came.

Things here are not like that. I usually get mild SAD (seasonal affective disorder) in the winter, but this year was the best it’s ever been. Nothing really drives me to the point of hysterical tears anymore–I can’t even remember the last time I cried in Colorado. (I cried a bit at the Ithaca airport when I was leaving)

Nothing out here is really all that bad, but nothing’s really that good. I guess I don’t have too many friends, there are a few people who I see on occasion and when I see them we have fun together, but rarely the exciting adventures that I had in Ithaca. I think people just forget me when planning their adventures, or they don’t live down the hall so it’s too much of a hassel to find me. That’s what I miss about the dorms, the convenience of friends, there’s always someone to do something with, even if it’s just, “hey, wanna walk up to towers with me to grab a pint of ben and jerrys?” Can’t do that with my roommates now. We hardly ever talk to each other. I don’t know what it is. They all have their own things, and we never do anything together.

I just need to work on getting excitement back into my life.


~ by kiranapoleon on April 3, 2007.

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