Back again…

“Phone me, tell me that you’re waiting by the phone for me to phone you, once in a while.”

-Eve 6

(Yes I did just quote a song off Horrorscope. Sue me. I’ll get around to explaining it when I’m not in a rush to go to bed.)


Okay. Back to it.

I’m not surprised, because it’s nearly summertime, and people who I had said goodbye to in the fall and forgotten about for the winter are coming back to town, but I’m getting pretty nostalgic.

I’m also heading into my first summer as a grown-up—no summer vacation. Ouch. Already it’s hitting me pretty hard. No napping in the sunshine every day of the week. Major drag. I guess what I miss, more than the people, is the feeling of summer. I mean, the people are what create the feeling but seriously, winter sucks in that regard.

I don’t know. That’s not really what I meant to say.

I feel like I don’t know how to say what I feel like saying. And that probably is what I mean to be saying in the first place.

Growing up sucks in a lot of ways. There’s a lot that’s really cool about it, and a lot of things that I can do now that I’m grownup, but I can’t enjoy them in the  same way as I could when I was younger. I’m no longer allowed to have the same innocent fun breaking the rules or pushing the boundaries. And when I try, I end up feeling guilty and like I crossed a line. There. I guess that’s what I was trying to say all along. And I guess I’m confusing the guilt with nostalgia because they’re really not so different as you might think.

(but you know what? before I would have said it was nostalgia. And I would have sighed, and told you all about what happened. But I can’t do that now. It wouldn’t be right.)


~ by kiranapoleon on May 25, 2010.

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